"Ok, ok... First you laugh, then you speak."
"C'mon, it’s not even that funny."
"See? Back again... Can you stop laughing?"
"Arey... stop. Girls shouldn’t laugh so loud."
These were comments I heard often—until I didn't.
I was a serial giggler all my growing up years.
Transitioning to adulthood brought many changes. Years of trying to fit in had altered something deep with in. Situations didn’t seem funny anymore; there was always something to worry about. I read extensively on how a serious leader should act and behave. I perfected the recipe to appear professional and always look the part. There was no space and need for rolling on the floor laughing. Humour was now measured by how witty, intellectually stimulating and smart the words were. The inner child needed to adjust , there was no space for the silly joy it sought.
It was in June this year, that I had decided to do some deep soul searching. I found myself in a Yoga ashram, determined to find the real me. The strict schedule, spiritual practices,yoga asana, chanting, reading on Indian philosophy provided the perfect set up to discover one self. We had to observe silence for a large part of the day, considered important to focus with in.
We had an hour of chanting class every evening. The seeker in me had decided to immerse in the experience fully. We had an amazing teacher who made it a safe space for all of us to chant and sing. Every day a few of us would lead the chanting for others to follow. We discovered beautiful voices and songs in the process.
We also discovered how some of us were not so gifted / trained. During one such session, we had a difficult combination of a particularly high pitched song and an untrained singer. With every line, the pitch would go higher and the singing, well, difficult.
I closed my eyes to concentrate on the words and not so much on the singing. Next moment, I hear some giggles. I closed my eyes harder trying to ignore them. The inner child in me was relentless. I gave in to the temptation and giggled, which slowly turned in to a laughter, and ROTF laughter, stomach hurting, eyes crying laughter. The singer was the kindest soul who joined all of us along with the teacher in this group laughing session. We had converted this deeply spiritual chanting session to a mad house of silly laughs and giggles.
Something shifted that day. I remembered and rediscovered who I am. A person who loves to laugh, Loudly, on silly things till my stomach hurts.
It was as if my heart chakra had opened, strangely enough not during a deep meditation, but by letting go and embracing my true self.
It’s been a month of coming back. Life is back to its usual rhythm. There is just one difference. I now give myself permission- to laugh, giggle, be silly and be Human!
Nice topic chosen to write , as Laughter is always the best medicine in life.
Ah to be a serial giggler and to recover the silliness within 💜